We are well and truly in the midst of the festive season, and whether or not you celebrate Christmas and New Year, living and working in Ireland there are likely to be parties and social events happening everywhere you look.
It’s a wonderful time of year for those who enjoy these occasions, but I know more than one of us is dreading the endless small talk and fear of social awkwardness at festive parties, or else the exhaustion family members can sometimes unwittingly cause over Christmas or New Year itself.
The terms ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ – originally spelled ‘extravert’ – were popularized by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung in the early 20th century. His idea was that most people would be at some point on a spectrum between the two points – as he said: “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extravert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” In the years since Jung’s research our ideas about introverts and extroverts have changed, and until recently it was widely believed that pretty much everyone could be divided into two camps: outgoing (extrovert) or shy (introvert).
Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, published in 2012, did a lot to combat the simplistic view of extroverts as outgoing and introverts as shy. While it’s true that those things may align, it’s also possible to have a shy extrovert or an outgoing introvert, as the terms are actually more to do with where a person gets their energy from. If you find yourself lonely and frustrated after a day alone and can’t wait to get out to a bustling party, you’re closer to the extrovert end of the spectrum, while if you find parties, however enjoyable, to be thoroughly exhausting, then you’re more of an introvert.
Cain argues that society has a bias in favour of extroverts. If this is particularly true at any time of year, it’s definitely the Christmas and New Year period. Work parties, drinks with the neighbours, drinks with friends, Christmas reunions, the big New Year party… it can be endlessly exhausting, and it’s ok to admit that, however much pressure you may be under to look like you’re having the time of your life.
While the easiest solution for an introvert struggling through the festive season is to simply not accept any party invitations, this sadly isn’t practical and risks offending friends, weakening professional ties and inflicting loneliness on yourself.
There are no hard and fast rules for making it through, but recognising where you are on the extrovert/introvert spectrum can really help. If you know you’re an introvert, it’s very helpful to plan ahead before social events – book in some quiet time to recharge in the days before or after an upcoming party, or plan a set time to leave each event or suitable excuse for doing so. If you’re spending time with family, planning activities or outings can help structure time and take the pressure off everyone to come up with conversation – even if it’s just going for a walk or playing a ridiculous game.
It’s important to note too that while it isn’t a good idea to refuse every invitation and shut yourself up in a cupboard until February, you are under no obligation to say yes to everything. There is nothing wrong with passing up the odd event in favour of some quiet time, leaving early, or even choosing not to drink alcohol on the odd occasion in order to conserve energy. These steps can be difficult, especially in our culture, but I would urge you to have the courage to lay out your own boundaries – you may find that your family members, friends or colleagues respect you even more for it.