This week we said a sad goodbye to our much-loved family cat of 20 years. Many of you will have seen him when I was teaching Pilates in my studio or visiting my clinic at home, as he would often come out to see what all the fuss was about, appraising these intruders on his territory and sniffing the cars whose owners had cats or dogs of their own.
He was an unusually friendly cat, always wanting to be around people and craving attention to the extent that we joked he had got confused and thought he was a dog. For this reason he was very popular with visitors and guests, and in 20 years gathered quite an impressive group of devotees.
Two decades is a long life for a cat, and towards the end there were signs he was on his way out. However he remained cheeky and active to the last, and was caught deliberately knocking over a jug of milk in order to lap it up himself just days before he died. Luckily for everyone involved his time came very quickly, and he was behaving normally right until about an hour before we said goodbye on a patch of grass outside in the sunshine.
Cats are known for their tendency to take themselves off to a secluded spot in order to pass away alone, but ours laid himself down just a few feet from us. He never did behave like a typical cat, and we wonder if he was deliberately seeking company in his last moments as he did so often during his life. He would often wail outside the door of an office or bedroom until he was let in, just to curl up on the floor or a chair in the corner so he could be nearby. He would yowl in protest if we left the house - or even if we went too far away from him in the garden, and if a suitcase or bag was ever left open on the floor he would climb into it and go to sleep as if to try and prevent us from leaving.
I don’t know how aware of our presence he was at the very end, but in any case we found it helpful to be there a short way away from him to witness his final moments. I haven’t been there at the very end of a life since my mum passed away a few years ago, and I was a little taken aback at the comparisons. She went peacefully too, with me at her bedside, holding her hand. It may seem silly to mourn a pet, but the cliché is true, their deaths do bring back the memories of others we have loved and lost. It can be helpful to allow yourself to feel the grief of a pet dying and to mark the rite of passage, especially if this loss brings up other associations.
For our part we buried our lovely cat in the garden and said a few words. That evening we lit a candle and raised a glass to our furry friend. The following day I recounted this to a friend, and she reminded me that she always lights a candle on the anniversary of a loved one’s death. For some this is a religious practise, for others it’s a way of marking the occasion and processing memories of that person. In any case, it’s important to allow yourself to acknowledge grief and loss on any scale, including when you say goodbye to a much-loved pet.